Grief and Loss Counselling in Surrey, BC
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Grief is one of the most human experiences there is, and one of the loneliest. Whether you are mourning the death of someone you love, the end of a relationship, a change in your health, or a future that will not happen the way you hoped, loss can leave you feeling unsteady in ways that are hard to put into words. Grief counselling does not rush you through that. It offers a calm, steady place to feel what you feel, make sense of what has changed, and slowly find your footing again.
What is grief counselling? Grief counselling is a form of talk therapy that supports people through the death of a loved one or another significant loss. A grief counsellor offers a steady, non judgmental space to express difficult emotions, understand your grief reactions, and gradually adjust to life after loss, without any pressure to “move on” by a deadline.
At Sojourn Counselling and Neurofeedback, we provide grief and loss counselling in person at our Cloverdale office in Surrey, BC, and online across British Columbia. Our team of experienced Registered Clinical Counsellors takes a warm, trauma informed approach, and many of our clients come to us from Langley, South Surrey, Fleetwood, and White Rock as well as Cloverdale itself.
Grief Takes Many Forms
Many people wonder whether their loss “counts” as grief. It does. Alongside bereavement, people often seek counselling for:
- The death of a parent, partner, child, sibling, or close friend
- Anticipatory grief while caring for someone with a serious or terminal illness
- Separation, divorce, or the end of a significant relationship
- Pregnancy loss, miscarriage, and infertility
- The loss of health, mobility, or identity after illness or injury
- Grieving a loved one with dementia while they are still living
- Estrangement from family members or a faith community
- The death of a beloved pet
- Losses connected to immigration, relocation, retirement, or an empty nest
Some of these losses are openly acknowledged by the people around you. Others are quieter and can go unrecognized, which often makes them harder to carry. Counselling can give those losses the room they deserve.
Losing a Parent, Partner, or Child
Each of these losses reshapes life in its own way. Grief after losing a parent can stir up old family dynamics alongside the loss itself. Losing a spouse or partner often means grieving a shared daily life, a future, and sometimes a sense of who you are. The death of a child is among the most profound losses a person can experience, and parents often need support that honours how deep and lasting that grief is. There is no comparing losses in counselling; there is only your loss, and what it means to you.
Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage, and Infertility
Miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility involve grieving a person and a future that others may never have met or seen. Because these losses are often invisible, many people receive little acknowledgment and feel pressure to carry on as if nothing happened. Pregnancy loss counselling offers a place where this grief is taken seriously, for individuals and for couples who may be grieving differently from each other.
Anticipatory Grief and Caregiver Grief
Grief does not always wait for a death. Anticipatory grief can begin the moment a serious diagnosis arrives, and caregivers often grieve in small daily ways: the loss of the relationship as it was, of their own routines and freedom, and of the future they had imagined. Caregiver grief is real grief, and it is often tangled with exhaustion and guilt. Counselling can help you carry both the caregiving and the grieving.
Ambiguous Loss
Some losses have no clear ending. A loved one with dementia who is present but changed. A family member who is estranged or missing. A relationship that ended without explanation. Researchers call this ambiguous loss, and it can be especially hard to grieve because there is no ritual, no closure, and often no acknowledgment from others. Naming it as grief is often the first relief.
Divorce and Relationship Loss
The end of a marriage or long relationship involves grieving a partner, a family structure, a home, and a future, sometimes all while managing practical upheaval and co parenting. Divorce grief is often complicated by anger, relief, and self doubt existing side by side. Counselling can help you sort through those layers without judgment.
Pet Loss and Other Grief Others May Not See
The death of a pet can be a significant bereavement, especially when that companion was part of daily routines, comfort, and family life for years. Like pregnancy loss and divorce grief, pet loss is sometimes minimized by others. Your grief does not need anyone else’s permission to matter.
What Grief Can Feel Like
Grief is not a tidy sequence of stages. It tends to come in waves, and it can show up in the body as much as in the mind. Many grieving people notice sadness, numbness, anger, guilt, or relief, sometimes all in the same day. Sleep and appetite often change. Concentration can feel impossible. Some people keep functioning on the outside while feeling disconnected inside; others find that ordinary tasks suddenly feel overwhelming.
All of this is a normal response to loss. Grief itself is not a disorder, and needing support with it is not a sign that something is wrong with you.
Physical Symptoms of Grief
What are common symptoms of grief? Common symptoms of grief include sadness, numbness, anger, and guilt, along with physical symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, brain fog, nausea, chest tightness, anxiety, and difficulty concentrating. Grief affects the body as much as the emotions. These reactions are a normal response to loss, though support can help when they persist.
Many people are surprised by how physical grief is. You might feel bone tired no matter how much you rest, lie awake at night, forget words mid sentence, or notice a heaviness or tightness in your chest. Some people feel queasy or lose their appetite; others eat for comfort. Grief also keeps the nervous system on alert, which can look and feel a lot like anxiety. If anxious feelings were already part of your life before the loss, grief can intensify them, and our anxiety counselling team can help when that is part of the picture.
If physical symptoms are severe or persistent, it is also worth checking in with your doctor. Grief and health concerns can overlap, and looking after your body is part of grieving well.
How Grief Changes Over Time
Early grief often feels like being underwater: everything is muffled, slow, and exhausting. Over time, most people find the waves come a little less often and knock them down a little less hard. But grief rarely fades in a straight line. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, songs, and ordinary Tuesday afternoons can bring it surging back, sometimes years later. That is not a relapse or a failure. It is how love and loss work.
There is no correct timeline for grieving. Some people feel steadier within months; others carry active grief for years, especially after profound losses. The idea that you should be “over it” by a certain date is a cultural myth, not a clinical reality. What tends to change is not that the loss stops mattering, but that your life slowly grows around it, with more room for meaning, connection, and even joy alongside the sorrow.
Grief or Depression?
Grief and depression can look similar from the outside, and they can occur together, but they are not the same thing. Grief usually comes in waves that are tied to reminders of the loss, and in between the waves most people can still feel moments of comfort, connection, or even laughter. Self esteem usually stays intact: you miss the person, but you do not feel worthless.
Depression tends to be more constant and pervasive. Pleasure drains out of most things, not just the things connected to the loss. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness about everything, or persistent thoughts of not wanting to be alive are more typical of depression than of grief on its own.
Only a qualified professional can help you sort out what you are experiencing, and this page cannot diagnose you. What we can say is that if your low mood feels total, unrelenting, or frightening, that is a good reason to reach out, whether the answer turns out to be grief, depression, or both. Counselling can help with either, and if depression is part of the picture, our depression therapy service can support you alongside or after grief work.
When Counselling Can Help
Many people move through grief with the support of family, friends, and community. Counselling may be worth considering if:
- The loss feels too heavy to carry alone, or the people around you have stopped asking how you are
- You feel stuck, numb, or unable to return to daily life months after the loss
- Guilt, regret, or unanswered questions keep looping in your mind
- The loss was sudden, unexpected, or traumatic
- Your grief is complicated by a difficult relationship with the person you lost
- You find yourself avoiding reminders, or unable to think about anything else
- Sleep, health, work, or relationships are suffering
- You are turning to alcohol, substances, or overwork to keep the feelings at bay
- You simply want a place to talk about your loss that does not burden the people around you
When should someone seek grief counselling? Consider grief counselling if grief feels stuck or overwhelming months after a loss, if sleep, work, health, or relationships are suffering, if the loss was sudden or traumatic, or if you simply want support. There is no required waiting period and no threshold of suffering you must reach first. Counselling can help at any point.
Prolonged and Complicated Grief
For most people, grief gradually softens, even if it never disappears. For a smaller number, grief stays at full intensity for a year or more, dominating daily life: constant yearning, disbelief that the loss is real, feeling that life is meaningless, or being unable to engage with anything that is not connected to the person who died. Clinicians sometimes call this prolonged grief or complicated grief, and it is now a recognized condition that research suggests responds well to targeted therapy.
If this sounds like you, please hear this clearly: prolonged grief is not weakness, and it is not loving someone “too much.” It usually reflects how significant the loss was, how it happened, and how much support was available afterward. It is also treatable. Grief focused counselling can help even when grief has been stuck for years, and it is never too late to begin.
How Grief Counselling Helps
There is no technique that removes grief, and a good grief counsellor will not try. What counselling can provide is a consistent, unhurried space where your loss can be spoken about openly, for as long as you need. Many clients find that therapy helps them:
- Put words to feelings that have been hard to name or share
- Understand the waves of grief so they feel less frightening
- Work through guilt, anger, or things left unsaid
- Stay connected to the person or life they lost while re engaging with their own
- Care for their body and nervous system while it carries the stress of loss
- Navigate grief that others around them do not see or understand
- Rebuild routines, relationships, and a sense of purpose at their own pace
How does grief counselling help? Grief counselling helps by giving your loss the time and attention it deserves. A counsellor can help you express difficult feelings, understand your grief reactions, work through guilt or regret, stay connected to who or what you lost, and slowly rebuild daily life and meaning. Research suggests support is especially helpful after sudden, traumatic, or complicated losses.
Continuing Bonds
Older ideas about grief focused on “letting go.” Most grief therapists today work differently. Research on continuing bonds suggests that many people heal not by detaching from the person they lost, but by finding a changed, ongoing connection: talking to them, carrying forward their values, marking their birthday, keeping rituals that feel right. Counselling can help you find a bond that comforts rather than traps you, so that staying connected and moving forward stop being opposites.
Making Meaning After Loss
Loss often shakes our assumptions about how life is supposed to work. Part of grieving, especially after sudden or unfair losses, is slowly rebuilding a sense of meaning: making sense of what happened where sense can be made, and learning to live purposefully where it cannot. This is not about finding a silver lining or being told everything happens for a reason. It is about you deciding, in your own time, what this loss means for how you want to live now. Many clients find this the quiet turning point of grief work.
When Loss Is Traumatic
Some losses arrive with trauma attached: a sudden death, an accident, a medical emergency, or the loss of someone in distressing circumstances. When intrusive images or memories keep the nervous system on high alert, grieving can stall, because the mind keeps returning to how the person died rather than who they were. In these situations, EMDR therapy may help the nervous system process traumatic memories so that grief can move again. Your counsellor will go at your pace and will never push you into memories before you feel ready. Related support is also available through our PTSD therapy services, and when a loss sits on top of a longer history of painful experiences, our complex trauma therapy approach may be a fit.
Grief After Suicide Loss
Losing someone to suicide is a distinct kind of grief. Alongside sorrow, survivors often carry shock, unanswered questions, guilt, anger, and sometimes shame or stigma that makes it hard to talk about the loss at all. None of those reactions mean you failed the person you lost. Counselling after suicide loss offers a place where the whole story can be spoken, including the parts that feel unspeakable, with a counsellor who understands how complicated this grief can be.
If you are in immediate danger or at risk of harming yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. If you are in Canada and need urgent mental health crisis support, call or text 988 at any time.
Common Fears About Starting Grief Counselling
It is normal to hesitate before booking. These worries come up often:
“If I start talking about it, I will fall apart.” Many people fear that opening the door to grief means being swallowed by it. In practice, counselling is paced. You and your counsellor decide together how close to the pain you go in any given session, and part of the work is building steadiness, not just expressing sorrow.
“It has been too long. I missed my window.” There is no window. People begin grief counselling weeks, years, or decades after a loss, and it can help at every one of those points.
“My loss is not big enough to deserve therapy.” If it is affecting you, it is big enough. Counsellors do not rank losses.
“Talking will not bring them back, so what is the point?” True, and no counsellor will pretend otherwise. The point is what happens to you: less isolation, less stuck guilt, more capacity to carry the loss and still live your life.
“What if I do not cry, or cannot stop crying?” Both are fine. Some people grieve through tears, others through silence, activity, or words. Your counsellor will follow your way of grieving, not a script.
What to Expect in a Session
Your first session is simply a conversation. Your counsellor will want to understand your loss, what life has been like since, and what kind of support you are hoping for. There is no pressure to tell the whole story at once, and no expectation about how you should grieve. Many people are surprised that the first session feels less like an interview and more like finally being able to exhale.
From there, sessions are 50 minutes, and you and your counsellor will decide together how often to meet. Early on, many clients come weekly or every two weeks; over time, sessions often spread out. Some people come for a few sessions around a difficult season, such as a first anniversary or the holidays; others stay longer as they rebuild after a major loss. You are always in charge of the pace, and you can pause or return at any time.
Approaches We Draw From
Our counsellors tailor their approach to you rather than fitting you into a method. Depending on your needs, grief work at Sojourn may draw on person centred therapy, emotionally focused approaches, attachment focused work, EMDR for traumatic loss, mindfulness and self compassion practices, and family systems perspectives when a whole household is grieving. All of our therapists work within a trauma informed, evidence informed framework, and our Registered Clinical Counselling page explains the training and standards behind that designation. When grief affects sleep and stress levels, some clients also explore neurofeedback as a complement to counselling to support self regulation.
Two approaches that suit grief particularly well are Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which offers a way to carry grief with tenderness rather than fighting it while gently rebuilding a meaningful life, and somatic therapy, which works with the heaviness, tightness or emptiness that grief so often leaves in the body.
Grief Support for Children, Teens, Couples, and Families
Children and teens grieve differently than adults. Their grief often shows up in behaviour, school struggles, or big feelings that seem to come out of nowhere. Our child and youth counselling team supports young people through loss with age appropriate approaches, including play therapy for younger children, and can help parents know how to talk with their kids about death and change.
Loss also lands on relationships. Partners often grieve at different speeds and in different styles, and that mismatch can quietly pull a couple apart just when they need each other most, especially after a shared loss such as a miscarriage, the death of a child, or the loss of a parent. Couples counselling can help partners understand each other’s grief and stay connected through it. When a loss affects a whole household, family counselling offers a way to grieve together rather than in separate rooms. We support grieving families from across Surrey, Langley, and the surrounding communities, in person and online.
Grief Counselling Online Across British Columbia
Grief does not keep office hours, and on hard days the drive to an appointment can feel like too much. We offer secure video and telephone grief counselling to clients anywhere in British Columbia through our online therapy service. Many grieving clients in South Surrey, Fleetwood, Langley, and beyond mix in person sessions at our Cloverdale office with online sessions, depending on the week. Research suggests online counselling can be as helpful as in person sessions for many people, and it lets you grieve from a space that already feels safe.
Why Choose Sojourn
Sojourn Counselling and Neurofeedback is a team based clinic in Cloverdale, Surrey. Our Registered Clinical Counsellors bring a range of experience, approaches, and availability, so you can choose someone who feels like a good fit rather than being assigned. Our clinic has deep experience in trauma informed care, which matters in grief work because so many losses carry trauma with them. We offer online and telephone counselling across BC for those who prefer to grieve from the comfort of home, and low cost counselling with supervised interns at $60 per session for those for whom cost is a barrier. We serve Surrey, Cloverdale, Langley, South Surrey, Fleetwood, White Rock, and surrounding communities.
Take the Next Step
You do not have to carry this alone. View our counsellors’ profiles and availability, and choose someone whose approach and schedule fit your needs. If you are unsure who to book with, contact us and we can help you find a good fit.
Related Counselling Services
Grief often touches every part of life, and it can overlap with trauma, anxiety, and relationship strain. Depending on what you are carrying, you may also find it helpful to learn more about our EMDR therapy, complex trauma therapy, anxiety counselling, child and youth counselling, or pregnancy and postpartum counselling if your loss is connected to pregnancy, birth, or early parenthood. You can also view our counsellors or read about online therapy across British Columbia.
Therapists Who Support Grief and Loss at Sojourn
Everyone on our team is trained to support grief and loss — the therapists below are a helpful starting point, and you are welcome to choose anyone whose approach and availability fit.
Alexandra Defazio
MEd, Associate Therapist
Grief and loss, life transitions, and caregiver stress. Draws on Internal Family Systems, somatic, and ACT informed approaches. Available in English and Spanish, in person and online.
Sarah Ball
MA, Intern Counsellor (low cost)
Lower cost grief support for individuals, couples, and families. Emotionally focused, trauma informed, and somatic approaches.
Michael Murie
MA-MFT, Intern Counsellor (low cost)
Lower cost grief support for individuals, couples, and families, ages 16 and up. Systemic and emotionally focused approaches.
Joel Braun
Master of Counselling Intern (low cost)
Lower cost support for adults navigating grief, loss, and life transitions. Relational and emotionally focused approaches alongside ACT and mindfulness.
Prefer to browse the whole team? View all therapist profiles and availability.
Frequently Asked Questions About Grief Counselling
How long does grief last?
There is no set timeline. For many people, the sharpest intensity softens over the first year or two, but grief often resurfaces around anniversaries and milestones for years, and that is normal. Grief tends to change shape rather than end. If your grief has stayed at full intensity for a year or more and daily life feels impossible, counselling for prolonged grief can help.
How soon after a loss should I start counselling? Is it ever too late?
Both ends of that question have the same answer: whenever you arrive is a fine time to arrive. Some people come within weeks because the early period feels unbearable. Others come years or even decades later, when they notice a loss they never had space to grieve. Counselling can help at any point, and it is never too late to start.
Is what I am feeling normal?
Almost certainly. Grief can include sadness, anger, numbness, relief, guilt, physical pain, and moments of unexpected laughter. Feeling several of these at once, or feeling very little at all, is common. Counselling can help you make sense of your own particular grief.
What if I don’t cry?
Not crying does not mean you are not grieving, or that you loved the person any less. Some people grieve through numbness, busyness, irritability, or quiet reflection rather than tears. There is no required way to grieve, and your counsellor will work with how grief actually shows up for you.
Is grief counselling different from trauma therapy?
They overlap but are not identical. Grief counselling focuses on the loss itself: mourning, adjusting, and staying connected to what mattered. Trauma therapy focuses on how frightening or overwhelming experiences are stored in the nervous system. When a loss was sudden or traumatic, we often weave the two together, sometimes including EMDR, so that the trauma stops blocking the grief.
Can grief counselling help after suicide loss?
Yes. Suicide loss often brings a uniquely complicated grief that mixes sorrow with shock, guilt, unanswered questions, and stigma. Counselling offers a confidential place to speak about all of it with someone who understands this kind of loss. If you are in crisis yourself, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.
Can children attend grief counselling?
Yes. Our child and youth counsellors support children and teens through loss using age appropriate, often play based approaches, and they help parents support their kids at home too. Children do not need to be “old enough to understand death” to benefit; they need support that meets them at their age.
Can couples attend counselling together after a loss?
Yes. Partners often grieve differently, and that difference can create distance or conflict on top of the loss itself. Couples sessions can help you understand each other’s grief and support one another, especially after shared losses such as pregnancy loss or the death of a child or parent.
What happens in the first session?
The first session is a conversation, not an assessment you can fail. Your counsellor will ask about your loss, how life has been since, and what you are hoping for. You share only what you are ready to share. Most people leave with a sense of whether the counsellor feels like a good fit and a loose plan for next steps.
How many sessions will I need?
It varies widely. Some clients find a handful of sessions helpful around an anniversary or a difficult season. Others meet with their counsellor over many months, especially after a major or traumatic loss. You and your counsellor will review together what is helping, and you can adjust or pause at any time.
Does moving forward mean forgetting the person I lost?
No. Modern grief work is less about “letting go” and more about finding a continuing bond: a way to stay connected to who or what you lost while still living your own life. Many clients find this reframe deeply relieving.
Is grief counselling covered by insurance?
Many extended health plans cover counselling with Registered Clinical Counsellors; check your plan for the details. We offer direct billing through TELUS eClaims for many insurers (a small service fee applies). Otherwise, payment is due at the time of your appointment and you can submit your receipt for reimbursement — plans that cover RCC or RMFT services often reimburse even when we can’t bill them directly. No doctor’s referral is needed.
Can I do grief counselling online?
Yes. We provide grief counselling by secure video and telephone across British Columbia. Many grieving clients appreciate not having to travel on hard days.
What if I cannot afford regular counselling?
Our supervised intern counsellors offer sessions at $60, and the first session is free. You can read more on our low cost counselling page.
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Contact Us
At Sojourn Counselling and Neurofeedback, we offer both in-person sessions in Surrey (Cloverdale) and online counselling across British Columbia. Book online or telephone counselling.
Contact us today to learn more about our grief and loss counselling services or to schedule your first session. We offer flexible appointment times and an easy-to-use online booking system to make it convenient for you to get the support you need.
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