If you are wondering whether couples counselling actually works, you are asking a fair question. Therapy asks a lot of a couple. It takes time, money, and the willingness to talk about painful things in front of a stranger. Before committing to that, it makes sense to want evidence that it can help.
Many people also arrive at this question carrying doubt from someone they love. One partner is ready to book; the other is skeptical. If that is your situation, this article is written for both of you.
The short answer is encouraging: couples counselling is one of the better studied areas of psychotherapy, and the research consistently suggests that most couples who complete it see meaningful improvement. The longer answer, which matters just as much, is that results are not guaranteed, and certain factors make success more or less likely. This article walks through both.
The Key Findings at a Glance
Here is what the research literature suggests, before we look at each piece in detail:
- Roughly 70 percent of couples improve with couples therapy, a rate comparable to individual therapy (Lebow et al., 2012)
- A meta analysis of 58 studies found large gains in relationship satisfaction that generally held at short and long term follow up (Roddy et al., 2020)
- An earlier landmark meta analysis estimated that the average couple in therapy ended up better off than about 80 percent of untreated couples (Shadish & Baldwin, 2003)
- In studies of Emotionally Focused Therapy, roughly 70 to 73 percent of distressed couples recovered and about 86 percent significantly improved (Johnson et al., 1999)
- Couples placed on waitlists in these studies generally did not improve on their own (Roddy et al., 2020)
- The average couple is estimated to wait about six years after problems begin before seeking help, which makes change harder than it needs to be
Now for what those numbers actually mean for the two of you.
What Does It Mean for Couples Counselling to Work
Before trusting any statistic, it helps to know what researchers actually measure. Studies of couples therapy usually track:
- Relationship satisfaction, measured with standardized questionnaires before and after therapy
- Relationship distress, meaning how much conflict, tension, or unhappiness a couple reports
- Whether gains last, measured at follow up points months or years later
- Individual wellbeing, such as symptoms of depression or anxiety in each partner
Two terms come up often. “Improvement” means a couple’s scores got meaningfully better. “Recovery” is a higher bar: it means a couple moved from the distressed range into the satisfied range, essentially scoring like couples who never sought therapy. When you see different percentages quoted for couples therapy, this distinction usually explains the gap.
“Working” does not mean a couple never argues again. It usually means the relationship moves from distressed to satisfied, or at least meaningfully less distressed, and the change holds over time. Interestingly, when researchers asked couples why they were starting therapy, the two most common answers, each named by 57 percent of couples, were communication problems and a lack of emotional affection (Doss et al., 2004). Those are exactly the outcomes most studies measure.
It is also worth naming that a good outcome is not always staying together. For some couples, counselling brings clarity about the relationship’s future. Researchers and clinicians generally see a thoughtful, mutual decision as a different kind of outcome, not simply a failure of therapy.
What the Research Shows Overall
Three findings come up again and again in the couples therapy literature.
First, couples therapy outperforms doing nothing, by a wide margin. A landmark meta analysis by Shadish and Baldwin in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology combined 30 randomized controlled trials and found that the average couple receiving therapy ended up better off than about 80 percent of couples who received no treatment. That effect size places couples therapy among the more effective forms of psychotherapy studied.
Second, most couples improve. A widely cited review by Lebow and colleagues in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy concluded that couples therapy positively impacts roughly 70 percent of couples receiving treatment, with effectiveness comparable to individual therapy.
Third, the gains are large and tend to last. A 2020 meta analysis by Roddy and colleagues combined 58 studies involving more than 2,000 couples. It found that couples therapy had a large effect on relationship satisfaction and that improvements were generally maintained at both short and long term follow up. Notably, couples placed on waitlists in these studies did not significantly improve on their own.
That last point deserves a moment. Many couples tell themselves things will settle down once work calms down, once the kids are older, once the season changes. Sometimes that happens. But across study after study, distressed couples who simply waited did not get better. Distress in a relationship behaves less like a cold that passes and more like a pattern that deepens with repetition.
The Evidence for Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, is one of the most researched couples therapy models and the primary approach used at Sojourn. EFT is based in attachment science. Rather than only teaching communication techniques, it helps couples recognize the negative cycle they get stuck in, reach the softer emotions underneath it, and rebuild emotional safety and connection.
The research base for EFT is substantial and spans decades:
- The most frequently cited outcome study found that roughly 70 to 73 percent of couples recovered from relationship distress after EFT, and about 86 percent showed significant improvement (Johnson et al., 1999)
- A follow up study found that couples who had worked through significant hurts in EFT maintained their gains three years after therapy ended (Halchuk et al., 2010)
- A 2016 review by Wiebe and Johnson in Family Process summarized the accumulated studies showing significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and emotional functioning
- A 2019 systematic review by Beasley and Ager, covering 19 years of studies, found that EFT improved relationship satisfaction and that gains were sustained at follow up
- A 2024 meta analysis by Spengler and colleagues, drawing on 20 studies, found medium to large effects for EFT from before to after treatment, with gains largely maintained at follow up
One detail from the research worth highlighting: some studies suggest couples can continue improving after EFT ends. Because the therapy changes the underlying pattern between partners rather than just managing symptoms, the relationship itself becomes a better environment to keep healing in.
No study can promise a particular couple a particular result. But if you are weighing whether the approach your counsellor uses has real evidence behind it, EFT is on solid ground.
The Evidence for the Gottman Method
The Gottman Method is the other main framework used in couples counselling at Sojourn. It grew out of one of the largest observational research programs in the field: decades of longitudinal studies in which John Gottman and colleagues followed thousands of couples and identified the interaction patterns that predict relationship breakdown.
That predictive research is remarkable in its own right. By observing couples discuss a disagreement for a short time and coding for four specific patterns, criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling, researchers could predict with high accuracy which couples would later divorce. Contempt proved the single strongest predictor. The Gottman Method is essentially the clinical mirror of those findings: it teaches couples to replace the patterns that predict breakdown with the habits observed in couples who stay happily together.
The Gottman Method’s clinical trial evidence is smaller than EFT’s but growing. A 2024 randomized pilot study by Irvine and colleagues found Gottman Method couples therapy more effective than treatment as usual for couples recovering from infidelity, particularly for trust, conflict management, and relationship satisfaction. A large 2024 Norwegian study of the Gottman Seven Principles program, delivered in person and online, found meaningful improvements that held at six month follow up.
If you are curious how these two approaches differ in the room, we compare them directly in our article on EFT and the Gottman Method.
Why Couples Wait So Long to Get Help
One of the most sobering estimates in the field is that the average couple waits about six years after serious problems begin before seeking help. The figure comes from research cited by John Gottman, and while any single number should be held loosely, the pattern behind it is familiar to every couples counsellor: by the time many couples arrive, the negative cycle has had years to entrench itself.
Why do couples wait? The common reasons are understandable. Hoping things will improve on their own. Worrying that suggesting counselling means admitting the relationship is failing. Uncertainty about cost. Not knowing how to find a counsellor both partners would accept. One partner being ready before the other.
Two things are worth saying about the delay. First, waiting has a cost: research suggests couples who seek help earlier, before patterns become deeply ingrained, tend to see faster and more lasting results. Second, waiting a long time does not disqualify you. Couples counselling helps long standing distress too. It simply may take more sessions to unwind patterns that have had years of practice.
What Affects Whether Couples Counselling Works
Averages are useful, but you are not an average. These are the factors that research and clinical experience suggest matter most for any individual couple.
How early you seek help
As above: earlier support generally means fewer entrenched patterns to unwind and more goodwill to build on. Counselling can still help after years of distress, but the six year wait works against couples.
Whether both partners engage
Couples counselling works on the relationship, which means it works best when both people participate, even imperfectly. A skeptical partner does not need to arrive convinced. They need to be willing to show up and give the process an honest try. Many counsellors would rather work with an honest skeptic than a reluctant passenger. Research also suggests that having one hesitant partner reduces effectiveness but does not eliminate it, so a mixed starting point is workable.
The fit with your counsellor
The relationship between a couple and their counsellor is itself a predictor of outcome, and in couples work there is a particular wrinkle: both partners need to feel understood. Researchers call it a split alliance when one partner feels the counsellor is on their side and the other feels left out, and it is associated with poorer outcomes and dropout. A well trained couples counsellor works hard to stay balanced. If the fit is not right for either of you, it is reasonable to say so or to try someone else, and a good counsellor will not be offended.
Whether your counsellor has specific couples training
Couples therapy is a distinct skill, not simply individual therapy with two people in the room. Counsellors trained in a structured couples model such as EFT or the Gottman Method are working from approaches with published evidence behind them. When you are choosing a counsellor, it is fair to ask directly what couples model they work from and what training they have in it.
What else is happening in the relationship
Some situations change the picture. An affair that is still ongoing, active untreated addiction, or violence and intimidation in the relationship each need to be addressed directly, and standard couples counselling may not be the right starting point. In particular, when one partner is afraid of the other, the open honesty that couples counselling requires is not safe, and individual support is usually recommended first. A qualified counsellor will assess this openly in the first sessions and help you find the safest, most appropriate path.
If you are experiencing violence or intimidation in your relationship, or you are afraid of your partner, your safety comes first. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you are in Canada and need urgent mental health crisis support, call or text 988.
Individual mental health
Relationship distress and individual struggles like depression and anxiety often feed each other. The research reviewed by Lebow and colleagues found this connection well established, and couples therapy can sometimes improve individual symptoms as the relationship improves. When one partner has significant untreated depression, anxiety, trauma, or substance use, coordinated care, meaning individual counselling alongside the couples work, often produces the best outcomes.
How Long Does Couples Counselling Take
Couples counselling is typically a shorter term therapy than many people expect. EFT was designed as a brief model, often in the range of 8 to 20 sessions. Professional associations describe most couples completing therapy in roughly nine to 20 sessions, usually weekly at first and sometimes spacing out as things stabilize.
The pace of change varies. Many couples notice a shift within the first several sessions, often in how arguments unfold: the fight still starts, but it does not go as far, and repair comes sooner. Deeper work, such as rebuilding trust after a betrayal or softening years of distance, understandably takes longer. Your counsellor should be able to give you a working estimate after the first few sessions, once they understand your situation.
An Honest Word About the Limits
Roughly seven in ten couples improving also means roughly three in ten do not, at least not within the study period. Some couples improve and later slip back toward old patterns, which is one reason many counsellors suggest occasional maintenance sessions after therapy ends. And results in everyday practice can vary more than results in carefully controlled studies, where therapists receive close supervision in a single model.
None of this undermines the overall picture. It simply means couples counselling is a well supported treatment, not a guarantee. We would rather you arrive with accurate expectations than discover them mid process. In our experience, couples who understand that therapy is work, not a repair shop where you drop the relationship off, are the ones who get the most from it.
When Couples Counselling May Help
You do not need to be in crisis to benefit. Counselling may be worth considering if:
- The same argument keeps repeating with no resolution
- You feel more like roommates than partners
- Trust has been damaged and you are unsure how to rebuild it
- Conversations quickly escalate or one of you shuts down
- Disagreements about money, parenting, or the future keep resurfacing
- You are facing a major transition such as a new baby, a move, a loss, or retirement
- One partner’s anxiety, depression, or stress is straining the relationship
- You are doing fine but want to strengthen the relationship before problems grow
If several of these sound familiar, that is not a verdict on your relationship. It is an ordinary picture of two people caught in a pattern, which is exactly what couples counselling is designed to change.
How Sojourn Can Help
At Sojourn Counselling and Neurofeedback in Cloverdale, Surrey, our counsellors provide couples counselling using the two approaches with the strongest research profiles in the field: Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method. Your counsellor will help you understand the cycle you are caught in, not decide who is at fault.
We also offer online couples counselling across BC for couples who prefer to meet from home or live outside the Surrey area. And because cost is a real consideration, it is worth knowing that many extended health plans in BC cover sessions with a Registered Clinical Counsellor; checking your coverage before you start can make the decision easier.
Because fit matters so much to outcomes, we encourage you to review therapist profiles and availability through our online booking system and choose a counsellor whose approach and schedule work for both of you. If you are unsure who to book with, contact us and we can help you find a good fit.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the success rate of couples counselling?
Research reviews suggest roughly 70 percent of couples improve with couples therapy. In studies of Emotionally Focused Therapy, about 70 to 73 percent of distressed couples recovered and about 86 percent significantly improved. Individual results depend on timing, engagement from both partners, and fit with your counsellor.
How long does couples counselling take to work?
Most couples complete therapy in roughly 9 to 20 sessions, and EFT is designed as a shorter term model, often 8 to 20 sessions. Some couples notice a shift in how they argue within the first several sessions; deeper rebuilding of trust and connection usually takes longer.
What if my partner does not believe in couples counselling?
Skepticism is common and does not doom the process. Research suggests one hesitant partner reduces effectiveness but does not eliminate it, and a skeptical partner only needs to be willing to attend and participate honestly. Reading about what the research shows, or agreeing to try a few sessions before deciding, can be a reasonable middle ground.
Does online couples counselling work?
Emerging research on couples work delivered by video is encouraging, including a large 2024 study of a couples program that found improvements in both in person and online formats. Many couples find video sessions convenient and effective, though in person sessions are generally preferred where there are serious safety concerns.
Can couples counselling make things worse?
Difficult conversations can temporarily raise tension, and some couples feel stirred up between early sessions. A skilled counsellor paces the work to keep sessions safe and productive. In situations involving violence, intimidation, or fear of a partner, couples counselling is generally not the right format, and a counsellor can help identify safer options.
Is couples counselling worth it if we are not in crisis?
Many couples come to counselling to strengthen a relationship rather than rescue it. Since research suggests distressed couples rarely improve just by waiting, and the average couple waits years before getting help, addressing patterns early is often the easier and less costly path.
This article is for general information and does not replace therapy, diagnosis, or emergency care. If you are in immediate danger or at risk of harming yourself or someone else, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. If you are in Canada and need urgent mental health crisis support, call or text 988.
