Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in Surrey BC
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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, usually shortened to EFCT or EFT, is a structured approach to couples work grounded in attachment science. If you and your partner keep having the same argument in different clothes, this is the approach built for exactly that.
What Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Is
EFCT was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and is one of the most extensively researched approaches to couples therapy available. You can read more about what the research says about couples counselling. Rather than treating conflict as a communication problem to be managed with better technique, EFCT looks at what sits underneath it: the fear of not mattering to the person you rely on most, and the protective moves each partner makes when that fear gets activated.
Many couples arrive able to describe their argument in detail but unable to describe what happens to them during it. EFCT slows that down. As partners begin to see the pattern rather than each other as the problem, the conversation usually changes shape.
EFCT is the couples form of Emotionally Focused Therapy. The same model is applied to individual work as Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy.
The Negative Cycle That Keeps Couples Stuck
Most couples who come to us are caught in some version of the same loop. One partner presses for contact, reassurance or an answer. The other, feeling they cannot get it right, goes quiet or withdraws. The pressing reads as criticism, the withdrawing reads as abandonment, and each response makes the other more likely.
Naming that cycle out loud, together, is often the first noticeable shift in EFCT. It moves the problem from between two people to in front of them, where it can be worked on side by side.
What Happens in an EFCT Session
Your counsellor will usually begin by getting a picture of the relationship as it stands, including how each of you experiences the conflict and what you each hope for. Some counsellors will offer an individual session with each partner early on.
From there, sessions tend to focus on slowing down a moment of disconnection as it happens in the room, and helping each partner put words to the softer feelings underneath the familiar ones. Over time the work moves toward conversations that were not previously possible: being able to say what you need without bracing for the response, and being able to hear it without defending.
Couples therapy at Sojourn is not about deciding who is right. Your counsellor holds the process for both of you.
What EFCT Can Help With
Couples come to EFCT with a wide range of concerns. Common ones include recurring conflict that never resolves, emotional distance or feeling like roommates, difficulty recovering after a betrayal or breach of trust, differences in intimacy and desire, the strain of parenting or a new baby, and the accumulated distance that comes from years of managing life rather than tending the relationship.
EFCT is also used when one partner is carrying trauma, anxiety or depression that the relationship is absorbing. It is not a fit for every couple or every situation, and your counsellor will talk with you honestly about that if it comes up.
How EFCT Differs from the Gottman Method
Both are well researched and both are used at Sojourn. In broad terms, the Gottman Method works from observable interaction and skills, while EFCT works from the attachment emotions underneath the interaction. Many counsellors draw on both. We have written a fuller comparison in EFT vs Gottman Method, and you can read more about our Gottman Method couples therapy.
Our EFT Trained Couples Counsellors in Surrey
Jonathan Wieser, MA, RCC-ACS, RMFT. Jonathan holds a Master’s degree with a focus in Marriage and Family Therapy, has completed the Emotionally Focused Therapy Externship, and has also trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy at the advanced level. He has been a Registered Clinical Counsellor since 2010 and is an Approved Clinical Supervisor.
Katherine Ouano, MEd, RCC. Katherine works from emotionally focused approaches alongside DBT, CBT and person centred work, and sees individuals, couples and families. She offers evening and weekend appointments.
Michael Murie and Sarah Ball, counselling interns. Both work from systemic and emotionally focused approaches and both see couples. Intern sessions are $60 for 50 minutes and the first session is free. Sarah is completing a Master’s in Couples and Family Therapy.
View all of our counsellors to compare approaches and availability.
Couples Therapy Online Across BC
Several of our counsellors see couples online anywhere in British Columbia, which can make scheduling easier when partners work different hours or live outside Surrey. You can read more about online therapy and telephone counselling, or ask when you book.
Start Couples Counselling in Surrey BC
You can view therapist profiles, approaches and current availability, and book online, through our booking system. If you are not sure who to book with, contact us and we can help you find a good fit.
Related Couples Counselling Services
EFCT is one of the approaches we use within couples counselling at Sojourn. You can compare it with Gottman Method couples therapy in our guide to EFT vs Gottman Method, or read about the broader model on our Emotionally Focused Therapy page. The same approach applied to individual work is Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy.
If cost is a barrier, our low cost counselling interns see couples at $60 per session, with the first session free. You can also view all of our counsellors to compare approaches and availability. If you are looking for the broader picture of relationship work with a spouse or long term partner, start with marriage counselling in Surrey BC.
Frequently Asked Questions About EFCT
Is EFT the same as EFCT?
They refer to the same approach. EFT is the general name for Emotionally Focused Therapy, and EFCT specifies the couples form of it. Applied to individual work it is called EFIT.
How long does EFCT take?
It varies with what a couple is carrying. Many couples notice the cycle settling within the first several sessions, while deeper attachment injuries take longer. Your counsellor will talk with you about a realistic timeframe once they know your situation rather than promising a number in advance.
Do both partners have to want counselling?
It helps, but ambivalence is common and it is not a reason to stay away. Many couples begin with one partner more certain than the other, and that difference is workable in the room.
Can we do EFCT online?
Yes. Several of our counsellors see couples online across British Columbia.
How much does couples counselling cost?
Sessions with a Registered Clinical Counsellor are $160 to $175 for 50 minutes. Counselling interns offer sessions at $60, and the first session with an intern is free.
Do you direct bill?
We offer direct billing through TELUS eClaims with a $5 service fee. Payment is otherwise due at the time of the appointment.
Contact Us
At Sojourn Counselling and Neurofeedback, we offer both in-person sessions in Surrey (Cloverdale) and online counselling across British Columbia. Book online or telephone counselling.
Contact us today to learn more about our couples counselling services or to schedule your first session. We offer flexible appointment times and an easy-to-use online booking system to make it convenient for you to get the support you need.
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Or, book your appointment directly through our online booking platform. We’re here to help you take the next step toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.
